Unexpected disappointment and what I’m doing about it

When Husband and I decided to start trying for a baby, I don’t think I was expecting the intense hope that would come with each month. I just thought we would 1_you-will-find-that-it-is-necessary-to-let-things-go-simply-for-the-reason-that-they-are-heavydo the whole ‘try without actually trying’ thing. How I was wrong. I’m only 2 months in but I’m already finding it hard to relax about the whole process and babies cross my mind numerous times a day.

(That’s another reason why I started this blog; I think I need to space to vent my frustrations in the hope that it will help me re-rationalise things. I’m also hoping that surrounding myself in a community of other Mums will be a huge support.)

Month 1 was very exciting. I couldn’t wait until the end of my cycle to find out what the outcome would be. AF decided to play games with me though and, on the day I was due, failed to arrive. Obviously my hopes soared and I was consciously looking for other symptoms – and finding them! – when in reality there were no real symptoms and a day after taking a negative pregnancy test, AF finally appeared in all her glory. Gutted. I couldn’t believe how disappointed I actually was. How ridiculous! My inner reality check was shouting at me: 1 month of trying and you’re already upset? Pull yourself together woman. If only it were that easy.

However, I do always try to find the positive in things and I knew that by having another period, I would be able to use my ovulation app (yes, I’m already obsessively using one) to work out more accurate dates for the following month. It was sure to be a winner, right? Wrong.

This month I made the epic mistake of testing 3 days before AF (due in 2 days). I just couldn’t wait any longer and thought that if I did the test, then I’d know either way and get on with things, regardless of the outcome. However, this just led to its own set of questions, worries and emotions:

  1. The result was negative – irrational disappointment commences
  2. Could it be wrong? – doubt sets in and frantic googling to put my mind at rest commences
  3. I discover there is a chance the test could be wrong – overwhelming hope re-commences
  4. Must wait to see if AF arrives – ridiculous impatience re-commences

And that’s where I’m at now. Waiting. Worrying. But what good is that doing me?

So, I’m going to try a new frame of mind and focus on the things that are happening in my life that I’m pleased with. I’m now off to cook dinner and contemplate a short list of key things to focus on which I’ll pop in my next post.

Any advice? How can I deal with this process a little easier? What do you focus on when dealing with new emotions and disappointment? Let me know!

Katie x


6 thoughts on “Unexpected disappointment and what I’m doing about it

  1. It’s not easy. I remember sobbing every Mothers Day and Christmas (it was Jesus’ birthday and Mary got pregnant why couldn’t I?). Seeing pregnant teens was the worst. But, I distracted myself with finding things I could do such as start a new exercise program or a hobby. Disappointment is hard because it is your body that is not working and I took it very personally but I had to learn that I am not just my body and had to become very spiritual about it almost. Best wishes to you!


    1. Thank you for sharing. It’s so helpful hearing about how other people have coped with it. I think I definitely need to put my focus elsewhere so I don’t become consumed so that sounds like great advice. I want to do some new fitness classes, hopefully that will help!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sending lots of positivity to you girl😘 It will happen, but that’s not to say the waiting every month isn’t the most emotional of times for you. It’s the only thing you can think of isn’t it… I will enjoy hearing your journey x


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