Unexpected disappointment and what I’m doing about it

When Husband and I decided to start trying for a baby, I don’t think I was expecting the intense hope that would come with each month. I just thought we would 1_you-will-find-that-it-is-necessary-to-let-things-go-simply-for-the-reason-that-they-are-heavydo the whole ‘try without actually trying’ thing. How I was wrong. I’m only 2 months in but I’m already finding it hard to relax about the whole process and babies cross my mind numerous times a day.

(That’s another reason why I started this blog; I think I need to space to vent my frustrations in the hope that it will help me re-rationalise things. I’m also hoping that surrounding myself in a community of other Mums will be a huge support.)

Month 1 was very exciting. I couldn’t wait until the end of my cycle to find out what the outcome would be. AF decided to play games with me though and, on the day I was due, failed to arrive. Obviously my hopes soared and I was consciously looking for other symptoms – and finding them! – when in reality there were no real symptoms and a day after taking a negative pregnancy test, AF finally appeared in all her glory. Gutted. I couldn’t believe how disappointed I actually was. How ridiculous! My inner reality check was shouting at me: 1 month of trying and you’re already upset? Pull yourself together woman.Β If only it were that easy.

However, I do always try to find the positive in things and I knew that by having another period, I would be able to use my ovulation app (yes, I’m already obsessively using one) to work out more accurate dates for the following month. It was sure to be a winner, right? Wrong.

This month I made the epic mistake of testing 3 days before AFΒ (due in 2 days). I just couldn’t wait any longer and thought that if I did the test, then I’d know either way and get on with things, regardless of the outcome. However, this just led to its own set of questions, worries and emotions:

  1. The result was negative – irrational disappointment commences
  2. Could it be wrong? – doubt sets in and frantic googling to put my mind at rest commences
  3. I discover there is a chance the test could be wrong – overwhelming hope re-commences
  4. Must wait to see if AF arrives – ridiculous impatience re-commences

And that’s where I’m at now. Waiting. Worrying. But what good is that doing me?

So, I’m going to try a new frame of mind and focus on the things that are happening in my life that I’m pleased with. I’m now off to cook dinner and contemplate a short list of key things to focus on which I’ll pop in my next post.

Any advice? How can I deal with this process a little easier? What do you focus on when dealing with new emotions and disappointment? Let me know!

Katie x

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6 thoughts on “Unexpected disappointment and what I’m doing about it

  1. It’s not easy. I remember sobbing every Mothers Day and Christmas (it was Jesus’ birthday and Mary got pregnant why couldn’t I?). Seeing pregnant teens was the worst. But, I distracted myself with finding things I could do such as start a new exercise program or a hobby. Disappointment is hard because it is your body that is not working and I took it very personally but I had to learn that I am not just my body and had to become very spiritual about it almost. Best wishes to you!

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    1. Thank you for sharing. It’s so helpful hearing about how other people have coped with it. I think I definitely need to put my focus elsewhere so I don’t become consumed so that sounds like great advice. I want to do some new fitness classes, hopefully that will help!

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  2. Sending lots of positivity to you girl😘 It will happen, but that’s not to say the waiting every month isn’t the most emotional of times for you. It’s the only thing you can think of isn’t it… I will enjoy hearing your journey x

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